Friday, 29 July 2011

My girlfriend is retarded

Me waking up after a power nap walking into the kitchen.
Hey want some dinner its really good. Sure whats in it?
Hmm some rice, ground beef, lettuce and tomatoes.
Hey babe i thought u were a vegetarian.
Of course i am, just because it has the word beef in it doesn't mean its from a cow, the guy at the supermarket said this one is from the ground.

Forever alone at le dentist

Hello derp, how long has it been since you last appointment?
A few years maybe.
Ok, well i need you to open wide and say "ahh".

Spider bro make fire

We forgot to bring a lighter, how can we make fire?
I'll take care of it...

What are they planning?

Haven't seen any spiders around the house lately...

Y u keep talkin bout dolphins nigga?

Word 2 all niggaz out there, dont start fin' wit me n i wont start fin' with u
Niggaz fin' with u? Yeah bro, i hate when other dolphins start getting up in my... Trying to get a fish like that.
Ya fin' wit the wrong person.
Yeah dude, it's hard living under de sea, but dolphins gotta stick togheter. Am i right?
Y u keep talkin bout dolphins nigga?

I just held the men's bathroom door open for some girl

Me, walking down the hall. I notice a girl following close behind.
I hold the door open for her... She's not going in... in fact, she looks offended...
Wait.. I'm going to the bathroom...
I just held the men's bathroom door open for some girl

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Women's museum - The kitchen

I went to the women's museum today!
Heh, must have been a short tour...
Why?
Well it's only one room..
What room?
The kitchen...

Rasheeded

Ha wow only just realised if your type your facebook password into a comment it comes up as stars, thats why ive been randomly commenting stars lol ********
******** wow i did not know that, cheers dan!
*******
Haha what if u need to write password in a sentance.
Thats the problem i had i was randomly commenting stars.
Like i am ever gonna use *********** in a sentence.
really? ********* awesome!
Rasheeded

Good boy

Me working at little derpers right before closing.
Old man comes in ten minutes before closing.
Me thinking, this guy is going to order pizzas and keep me here late.
"Sir, me and my wife lost our home and we live in our truck, do you have any extra food you can spare i only have some change.
"omg sir im so sorry, we close in ten minutes let me see if we have any left over and i will ask my manager.
After we close, we have plenty left over. We have wings pizza and crazy derp sticks.
"Here you go sir this is we had left, i hope its enough."
"Oh wow this is plenty son, thank you so much we haven't eaten in days, thank you!"
"Your very welcome sir"

I can never shop there ever again

Giant bag of groceries. 
Your total is 126.42. Okay, lemme just get out my wallet.
Mother of God, no! I've left my wallet at home! No no no!
Everyone will watch while i have to put everything back! It will be humiliating! What should i do?
Do you have an atm? Sure sweetie! just outside!
Okay. I'll be right back... Don't go anywhere, haha..
I can never shop there ever again.

Eating while watching tv - I can't hear anything

Eating while watching tv... crunch...crunch
I can't hear anything.

My 6 year old brother built a house in the sims

My 6 year old brother built a house in the sims, his wife's bed... is in the kitchen. I've raised him well.

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

I am a torpedo

Which leg is left - Walking

When you are in the line of sight of a hot guy/girl (which ever you preference)

My 11 birthday - 58425 attending

My 11 birthdayyy!!!
Hey it's Sarah n my mum said i can envite 10-15 friend so if i envite u plz clik attending or not so we can know how many people will be their thank u guys, and bring bathng soot towel 4 swimming and trampline! n my wishlist is: justin bieber poster, cd, clothes, money, britney spears cd, bratz dulls, candy. Thanks everybody and i hope to see u there.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

They should make 3-D glasses for real life!

I have the best idea ever.
yeah, what is it?
They should make 3-D glasses for real life!
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Eeee macarena - Me gusta

Hmm i think i'll listen to some music.. better turn on shuffle..
Title: Macarena
Artist: Los del Rio

Does that mean you like me too?

How do i tell chris i like him? These things are hard :(
You just did ellie ;)
Oh my gosh, i'm so sorry, that was to jenna :|
Her name isn't even close to mine though.. Did you send this on purpose to me? Don't worry if you did ;)
Maybe :)... Does that mean you like me too? <3
No.

What it actually looks like - Close enough

Le me drawing epic picture. What i think it looks like.
What it actually looks like.

Loading bus

Monday, 25 July 2011

It hurts so much

At the beach...
Derpie, did you put on your sunscreen?
Yes mom! ok then!
It hurts so much

Haircut long hair

You need to get a haircut, long hair is for girls!
But why? I love my hair!
Several months later: Hey mom can you shave my head? I'm tired of my long hair!
What?
I just wanted a hair cut. Remember you wanted me to get one anyway?
What?! No i'm not doing this you'll just complain if i cut it and i like your long hair better! Why do you want it cut you said you love it are people making fun of you?

Memes have taken over my life

Hey Herp son, i bought you some pizza! aaaaaawwwwwwww yeeeeeeaaaaaaa
Why are you making that face? Because... me gusta pizza...
Memes have taken over my life!

I am a Hitman

Honey, can you take your dad's briefcase when you come?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, here it is.. Walking around with a briefcase like a boss. Wait a minute: I'm a Hitman!

Mom turn off the computer

My mom: well, time to shut off the computer.. le click.
Why is it not working? Why wont it turn off?
Ahm, mom, your not clicking the button.
C'mon not hitting the button.. Do you think i am dumb?
Actually...

Eggs in plastic bags

Why are your eggs in plastic bags? You know, just in case you drop one it's easier clean up.
A couple of days later. I go to get something from the back of the fridge when...

I am spiderman

And that was the harder decision of my life - Pokemon

I remember thatt day like it was yesterday. It was the happiest and saddest day of my life. I had to make a decision... the decision that would change my whole life.
What have you decided, son?
They shouldn't make a kid take a decision like that. But unfortunately, i had to choose..
Yes!
And that was the harder decision of my life.

Scorpion - Subzero

Me age 15 cleaning out garage. Hey my old toy box i wonder whats in it! Le open.. omg these were my favourite toys!
Make sure no one is around. Scorpion to base! What should i do with him?!
Base to Scorpion! Finish him!
Le friend walks up. Uhm dude.. what are you doing?
Helping Scorpion defeat Subzero. Dude.. What? Subzero could beat Scorpion.

My fortress

Le trollin mosquito. And now comes the well deserved sleeping. zzzzzzz
My fortress, problem mosquito?

For my next trick i will cut somebody in half

Le magician: Now for my next trick, i will cut somebody in half. Any volunteers?
Me me me me me! How about you little boy?
I told you, lol u mad?

Close enough jogging pants with elastic bottoms

Watching tv as a young tike. Omg, i have to poop so bad, my bumhole is unclenching.
Noo, i'm too late! Release the kraken. Jogging pants with elastic bottoms, poop rolls down leg and gets caught at bottom of pants.
Close enough.

In reality i'm playing alone

This always happens when i want to play.
Hey herp, want to play lol? No right now, raiding in wow.
But herp! We haven't played for weeks! Not now, i'm busy. Okay.. Actually... It's not okay. Play with me. No.
Calls another mate on skype.
Hey Derp! I really need to play. Can i join you in your next game? Sorry man, we have a full team.
In reality.. i'm playing alone

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